


A+ For Effort.

by cefmoon



Series: Prompts [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Author drops the f bomb way too often sorry kids, BAMF Nara Shikamaru, Children shouldn't have access to Icha Icha, Established Relationship, Haruno Sakura & Yamanaka Ino Friendship, Kakashi being dramatic and gay panicking the whole time, Kinda? It's Fun, M/M, Naruto is Just Naruto, No beta reader cause I'm tight as fuck, Secret Admirer, Secret Relationship, Tumblr Prompt, Umino Iruka Losing His Shit, but not really, just saw the wordcount haha nice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:08:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cefmoon/pseuds/cefmoon
Summary: The members of Team 7 and Team 10 open the first matchmaking service in Konoha and Iruka is their firstvictimcostumer.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Mention of Hagane Kotetsu/Kamizuki Izumo
Series: Prompts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1680976
Comments: 10
Kudos: 297





	A+ For Effort.

**Author's Note:**

> A few disclaimers: I wrote this in like 2 days and went through it once so if there are any mistakes, I'm sorry. Also, English is not my first language so just know that I tried lmao. This is my longest work so far, which pretty much exposes me as the fic writer virgin I am.  
> I love Naruto and it's characters and decided to do this because I'm quarantined and bored out of my mind.  
> This work is based on this [Tumblr Prompt](https://wlwiruka.tumblr.com/post/613897036030427136/were-teachers-and-our-students-keep-getting-in)

Iruka's always seen Naruto as a little brother. When the blond troublemaker had been listed in his pre-genin classes, Iruka knew there was something about the kid that made him want to take care of him; probably the fact that the whole village saw the child as the demon he was the vessel for and as a consequence mistreated him, giving him nasty looks, whispering horrible things and telling their own sons and daughters to stay away from the "monster" he was. After seeing the broken look in the boy's young blue eyes, big fat wet tears soon starting to stream down his dirty scarred cheeks, Iruka's heart shattered, realizing that Naruto was experiencing a type and level of pain no child of his age should even imagine.

So yes, Iruka had taken it into his own hands to look after Naruto, making sure the kid ate by inviting him to Ichiraku's, letting him stay in his apartment more often than not and learning the basics of medical ninjutsu just because the little blond boy seemed to often find ways of clumsily trip and fall over almost everything in his path.

He'd also learned though, that Naruto thought Iruka only saw him as a charity case, so the man had to find ways to discreetly help the boy out, pretending to accidentally buy extra stuff at the grocery store and clothes that... Oops! Didn't fit him. But with the years passing by and the blond growing older, the task became even more difficult, Naruto becoming more intuitive and suspicious.

When the boy turned ten he stopped sleeping in Iruka's apartment, only showing up every few afternoons to have some tea and excitedly show the evolution of that incredibly inappropriate jutsu he'd created.

Iruka understood, after all, he'd also been an orphan. He remembered how he felt when the Hokage tried to help by feeding him and giving him clothes, the shame and embarrassment of not being able to refuse. So he respected Naruto's feelings, keeping his eye out for the kid but trying his best not to overstep. Naruto was a very capable kid, he managed way better than Iruka had at his age; he also had help from the Hokage, who gave him an apartment and was very patient when it came to the boy's chaotic behavior.

It wasn't easy. Keeping his distance from Naruto, but he managed to pay attention to the kid during class, secretly making sure he looked well-fed and wearing clean clothes with no holes in them, making his nights at Ichiraku's only twice a week instead of five. Iruka had to admit, he missed the boy terribly.

Yes, Naruto was a pain in his ass ninety percent of the time, with his loud booming voice, his inability to stay still for more than two seconds, and his lack of attention span. But after years of being his teacher, Iruka knew the kid's behavior was simply a consequence of his tragic situation, orphaned and considered a monster by everyone around him, Naruto just wanted people to pay attention to him; the man understood that better than anyone because he'd been a prankster too.

Iruka could see beyond the reckless behavior, he could ignore the annoying traits and obnoxious competitiveness; he could see that Naruto was the sweetest kid in Konoha, that he had good intentions. He wanted to help others, he wanted to be recognized as someone good and be the next Hokage because by doing so he'd get to connect with the people of the village and they'd no longer see him as a threat.

It had been a few weeks since Iruka had seen the boy for the last time, after the whole Mizuki situation and Naruto graduating from his class, he'd been assigned to Kakashi-sensei as his student and the silver-haired man managed to keep the kid quite busy. It wasn't a surprise though when he looked up from the tests he had been grading to find two big blue eyes staring right at him.

Naruto never forgot about his teacher, eventually, he always came back to see him. Sometimes they'd go to Ichiraku's, other times they'd go to Iruka's apartment, or simply stay at the academy, the kid impatiently roaming around the classroom while Iruka finished his job.

This visit, however, was a little out of the ordinary. From the moment Iruka saw the strange look of mixed curiosity and mischief in Naruto's expressive eyes, he knew something was up. Still, he pretended to be oblivious, schooling his features but keeping an eye out for any weird behavior.

He noticed how Naruto chatted him up by telling him the awesome things he learned to do during his training, but something was definitely off about it. Naruto always took credit for all of his achievements, never mentioning his mentor's influence because he thought that Kakashi was simply a "lazy pervert". But now, he kept trying to compliment his jounin sensei.

Weird.

"...And then, Kakashi-sensei uncovered his super awesome eye and just repeated every single hand position the guy made, it was so fast Iruka-sensei, I don't know how he did it, but he managed to copy the jutsu! Isn't that awesome?" Iruka nodded while drinking his tea, barely keeping up with the anecdote. He was well aware of the jounin's abilities, everyone in Konoha was. "Iruka-sensei, do you think Kakashi-sensei is cool?"

The question took him by surprise, making him almost choke on his tea. He looked up from the papers and narrowed his eyes at Naruto, the kid stared back at him with too much fake innocence, like every time he'd been caught executing one of his pranks. Iruka tried his best to keep his face straight while he calmly set his "#1 sensei" mug down on the desk, away from the work he was doing.

"Sure, Naruto. Why do you ask?" he managed to say, coating his suspicion with nonchalance.

Naruto _beamed_ at him. His eyes shone and his smile grew so big Iruka thought it'd tear the skin of his face. Raising an eyebrow suspiciously, he stared at the kid, waiting for a response. He didn't know what was going on, the boy had never shown interest in his opinion of anyone before.

He watched as the set of chubby scarred cheeks flushed a bright red and the smile vanished from the blond's face, Naruto'd noticed Iruka's suspicion, and clearly didn't want the teacher to know what his intentions were.

"O-oh, no reason, I just wanted to know because Kakashi-sensei told me he thinks you're cool too!" the blond said scratching the back of his neck, nervously avoiding looking at Iruka's eyes.

Ah. So that was what it was. Naruto was trying to play matchmaker.

For some reason, it didn't surprise him. Naruto had probably noticed Iruka being alone now that he wasn't his student anymore and wanted to find him some company. The kid could be a little slow sometimes but Iruka knew he was very intuitive. He also didn't doubt that more people were involved in the plan, probably Sakura and Ino, the two girls were too romantic to pass up the opportunity.

It was cute, really, but also very scary; he didn't want a bunch of children getting involved in his personal life, he already had to deal with his current students and his friends, but he knew that when the kids were onto something, it was very unlikely of them to give up until they got what they wanted. Especially Naruto, who saw everything as a challenge.

"Oh," Iruka said, not knowing how to proceed, he needed to be careful about it or the children would go crazy, "Well, that's... flattering. Kakashi-sensei is a respected ninja of this village, it's good to hear he has such opinion of me."

He didn't need a bunch of children messing with his love life, but he knew they wouldn't back off. It was obvious that one day Naruto would feel curiosity about never seeing him express his affections towards another person.

"Is there anything else you wanted to talk about Naruto?" he asked returning his attention to grading, pretending the conversation never happened. He knew Naruto would want to run to the others to tell them their progress on the little mission.

"No, actually I just remembered that I asked Sakura-chan to help me with chakra control, so I need to go!" he laughed nervously, walking backward towards the door of Iruka's classroom "I'll see you later, Iruka-sensei!"

And with that, he ran off.

Iruka sighed heavily, shaking his head with defeat. This wasn't gonna be fun.

* * *

Kakashi didn't bother to look up from his book. Comfortably lying on a tree branch, his back against the thick trunk, he felt the stare of two sets of eyes.

Unfair. It was unfair to be stalked when he finally had the chance to rest. He'd barely made it back from an S-class mission yesterday and was trying to relax a little before Tsunade assigned him another one.

If he hadn't been in Konoha, he'd be way more alarmed, but he could feel the chakra of the spies, they were poorly trying to conceal them, but the jounin could easily recognize them as Sakura and another young kid.

"Okay, Sakura and Sakura's friend you can come out now. I know you're there." he said lazily, still refusing to look away from the beaten up pages of Icha Icha Paradise.

After hearing a faint rustle of leaves, he saw the pink-haired girl coming out of the bushes a few meters away down next to the streets. Other girl followed her, by her blonde hair and cold stare, Kakashi recognized her as the Yamanaka kid from Asuma's team, she was angrily muttering things to Sakura, probably blaming her for getting caught.

"Heh. Sorry Kakashi-sensei, we were just practicing our stealth abilities." Sakura laughed nervously, her cheeks matching her hair color.

Kakashi was not amused. He was aware that he was being followed, but that wasn't new. The kids had already pulled one of those before, spying on him to see if they could catch a glimpse of his face behind the cloth mask he wore. All of their attempts had failed, obviously, but that didn't mean it wasn't annoying, especially since the brats refused to give up.

Kakashi wondered how Sakura had convinced the Yamanaka kid to help her out with her little mission, and really hoped it wasn't another case of teenage girls having a crush on their sensei. That was never fun for him, they always ended up crying their little hearts out and he didn't know how to react.

Kakashi seriously couldn't understand why they liked him, he was indifferent and quiet most of the time, he mostly kept to himself unless it was Gai or other of his few friends, he covered his face with a mask and a hitai-ate for god's sake, how could they really be attracted to him when they didn't even know what he looked like?

Repressing an annoyed groan he decided to come down and finish the situation before it could escalate. It was better to just cut to the chase and put an end to it. Someone had once said "better a second of rejection than a lifetime of uncertainty", right? Right. He put the book away, back in one of the pouches of his flak jacket and silently jumped down of the tree, facing the two blushing teenagers.

"Well, if you actually want to practice stealth, you should start with less experienced shinobis, maybe your own teammates." he mused, still keeping the bored tone in his voice.

They both looked at each other nervously, clearly, they hadn't thought they'd get caught, which to Kakashi, was a little insulting.

They seemed to be having a heated argument via telepathy, giving each other sharp looks and wide eye stares, moving their heads insistently towards him. Now, he had to admit, Kakashi was a little amused. Girls' logic had always been a subject out of his comfort zone.

Losing his patience, he sighed while pinching the bridge of his nose. "Is it about my mask again? Because I think I made it clear when I told you I don't want a bunch of brats following me around Konoha."

A few seconds filled with uncomfortable silence passed and then Ino? –Kakashi thought he'd heard Asuma call her Ino– elbowed Sakura on the ribs, making the girl snap out of whatever trance she'd been in. She blushed even harder and shook her head almost violently.

 _Huh_.

"No!" she almost yelled, cringing immediately at the volume of her voice and taking a deep breath, then she added, "Actually, we were just... uh... we were..."

Raising his visible eyebrow, Kakashi crossed his arms across his chest but kept his stance on his signature lazy slouch.

"Actually," Ino continued, sending a deadly glare to Sakura and then quickly looking back at him with soft eyes full of fake innocence, "We were wondering if we could ask you a question, Kakashi-sensei."

 _Oh no, please don't be what I think it's gonna be_ , he mentally pleaded, _I don't want to deal with little girls' tears again._

Keeping his poker face intact he gave them a short and sharp nod. Already wanting the conversation to be over so he could go back to relaxing on his tree branch.

"Are you... by any chance... single?" Ino inquired, trying to show that she was old and mature enough to not feel flustered, she kept that death stare on her eyes, but Kakashi noticed her cheeks turning pink against her will.

_Here we go again._

He counted to ten, trying his hardest to keep it cool and not let annoyance from taking over his body. He didn't know how Iruka-sensei did it; the academy teacher had almost thirty students in his class and he dealt with them every single day. For Kakashi the three kids on his team were a fucking multitude.

"Unfortunately, that is none of your business, girls." he said, slightly shaking his head, not being able to hide the disappointment in his voice.

Why couldn't they ask about other things? Maybe for useful knowledge like jutsus or weapons? He thought of the girl in Gai's team... Tenten yeah. Why couldn't they be more like Tenten?

"But-" Sakura tried to argue, but Kakashi already had enough.

"Either way, I'm too old for you, so it doesn't matter." he added and turned around getting ready to go back to his tree, but then Ino started laughing.

Laughing. That was new.

Seconds later, Sakura joined in the chuckles until they were both loudly cackling, clutching their stomachs and wiping tears off their flushed cheeks. Frowning in confusion, Kakashi turned to face them again, the two girls maniacally trying to calm down, breathless as if he'd told them the funniest joke in the world.

"Oh... Oh my god, Kakashi-sensei!" Ino cried, taking a deep breath to regain her cool, "You thought we wanted to know because we like you?"

And that made them break into another fit of laughter.

Kakashi was now truly lost. Why would they ask, then? He'd assumed they were interested in that part of his life because they were attracted to him, what other motives could they actually have? He was a private person for a reason, they should know better than just ask him about such personal matters.

"You don't?" he asked, confused but relieved. He'd rather hear the girls laughing at him than crying because of him.

"Of course not!" they both said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Damn, Kakashi-sensei that's some ego you've got there, huh?" Ino chuckled, wiping her eyes delicately.

For some reason, that made him feel embarrassed. Ino was right, he did have an inflated ego and he knew who'd agree immediately if he ever told him about the conversation, which, for that sole reason, was definitely not going to happen. Ever.

Trying to keep his face from blushing, Kakashi scratched the back of his neck nervously. "Then why do you wanna know about my love life?"

Sakura rolled her eyes as if the answer was obvious. "Because we wanna help you out, obviously!" she said, smiling innocently.

"Yes!" Ino beamed at him. "We know of someone who's perfect for you!"

Oh. So they were trying to play matchmakers. _Great_.

Kakashi could feel his face falling, and didn't even try to conceal it. "I'd say I appreciate it, but I don't. I don't need help, I need you to stop trying to snoop into my personal life." he muttered, knowing it was completely useless. By the looks in the girls' eyes, they weren't going to back off.

"No, no, Kakashi-sensei. You don't get to refuse our help without hearing us out first!" Sakura protested, pouting like a little kid.

"Watch me." Kakashi muttered, and well, maybe he wasn't that mature either.

He turned around, getting ready to jump back up to his relaxing spot when Ino exclaimed: "It's Iruka-sensei!"

He hesitated, legs bouncing in place instead of leaping up to the tree. He cursed his treacherous heart for skipping a beat inside his chest at the sound of the teacher's name. His face suddenly felt like it was on fucking fire, and that's when he knew that he had truly fucked up.

Because the girls noticed his childish schoolgirl-with-a-crush reaction. And now he was sure they weren't going to leave him alone.

Before he could turn back around and pretend like he didn't care, like he saw Iruka as nothing more than an acquaintance, a comrade, the two girls were already running off, snickering and discussing excitedly what the next step to their plan was going to be.

Mortified and with a loud exhausted groan, Kakashi went back to his tree branch. He wasn't going to do a lot of relaxing now, his mind was already going through the different scenarios the two girls were going to embarrass him in front of Iruka.

And damn, Kakashi was one of the best shinobi in Konoha; he was the Copy Nin, Sharingan Kakashi, the Thousand Jutsu Ninja, he'd been close to dying countless of times, fighting against powerful men and women ready to give his life in battle in order to protect the village.

And still, he'd never felt this nervous before.

This wasn't going to be fun.

* * *

Two days later, things got worse.

As soon as Iruka stepped inside the classroom that morning, all of his students who'd been chatting wildly with each other suddenly became quiet.

That was a very, very bad sign.

Confused and a little frightened, Iruka walked slowly further inside the classroom, his eyes never leaving the desks from where the kids were watching him so intensively it felt like he was in a horror movie.

Bewildered, Iruka gave in to the tension. "What's going on?" he asked eyeing the too-innocent-to-be-real expressions on his students' faces with suspicion.

"I don't know, Iruka-sensei. Maybe you should check your desk." the smugness in Konohamaru's voice and his shit-eating grin made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

 _Please don't be another smoke bomb, please don't be another smoke bomb_. The last time that had happened, Iruka'd ended up having to evacuate the classroom for two hours and the parents hadn't been too happy about their kids' irritated eyes at the end of the day.

But when he glanced at his desk, he discovered that what was resting on top of it was even worse.

Well, at least for his dignity it was.

He felt his cheeks warming up before he could do anything about it, but at least managed to stop himself from sputtering like an embarrassed schoolgirl. He took the flower arrangement violently and stared at it like a dumbfounded idiot for a couple of seconds, trying to decide what to do with it.

"Iruka-sensei has a secret admirer!" Moegi cooed and all the boys started making kissy noises.

Iruka was going to _kill_ Naruto.

He'd almost forgotten the weird conversation they'd had; but now, seeing the little card of Yamanaka Flowers attached to one of the stems of the beautiful tulips in his hand, his blood boiled. He opened it quickly only to find that the paper was empty except for a small "-K." written at the bottom, which was way too clean to be Kakashi's messy and unintelligible handwriting.

"Everyone, silence!" he yelled after realizing the kids were now loudly asking questions about his _crush_. "If you don't calm down right now, I'll cancel afternoon training and you'll take a pop quiz!"

The classroom fell silent again and Iruka took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his scarred nose and forcing himself to calm down and not run out to find Naruto and strangle him.

"Another word of this and I'll give you all detention for a month. Understood?" when everyone nodded, he took the flowers and shoved them inside of one of the drawers of his desk. "Now, who remembers what we talked about chakra control yesterday?"

When he looked for Naruto that afternoon, he found out Team 7 had left on a mission a few hours before. The blond boy was very lucky.

* * *

Iruka had hoped that because Kakashi's team was away, the presents would stop. But apparently, being on mission miles and miles away from Konoha wasn't enough to stop the determined kids. He learned quickly that Asuma's team was still in the village, which meant that Team 7 had at least one active inside man to keep their twisted little game going.

He was sure that at least Shikamaru was definitely not going to get involved, the kid was too lazy and probably didn't care, which was a big relief because the boy was a genius and Iruka definitely didn't need an actual working brain in the mix.

Ino and Choji were another story.

As soon as he saw the box of delicious-looking chocolates on his desk at the mission room, he knew that it was the work of an Akimichi. Especially when he opened it and saw that it was already half empty.

Genma was the one to notice the cardboard note stuck on the inside of the lid. It was a cheap Valentine's card with the drawing of a pug on the cover and a gold glittery message. "I woof you?" the jounin read mockingly, "That's terrible."

Iruka snatched it from him quickly, his cheeks heating up instantly. "Shut up." he snapped, trying to mask his embarrassment with anger.

Genma raised his hands in defeat, but he was still laughing silently. "Woah, Iruka-sensei, I didn't know you had a-"

"Finish that sentence and I'll make sure you swallow that senbon, Genma-san." he threatened through gritted teeth, and thankfully, it worked.

The jounin backed away quickly with his hands still raised. Rolling his eyes, Iruka opened the card only to find a small drawing of a scarecrow.

"Oooh, chocolates!" Anko squealed excitedly.

Iruka didn't feel bad when he gave the entire box to her.

* * *

The situation crossed the line the very next day.

When he came home exhausted from a training session with Izumo and Kotetsu, he was sweaty and sore; going against the two was fun, but the odds weren't on his favor for being outnumbered. All he wanted was a hot bath and maybe some tea.

He still had to go through his lesson plan but he considered procrastinating a little given that it was finally Friday and he could take care of it during the weekend. Team 7 was still on the mission so he figured he wasn't going to be interrupted.

Climbing the stairs of his apartment building took a little longer than usual, but eventually, he reached his destination, only to stop dead on his tracks.

There was a package on his doorstep.

For the first time, he wished for it to be a gift from his "secret admirer" and not a fucking trap or bomb from some unknown enemy trying to kill him. He approached it cautiously, his eyes locked on the brown wrapping paper and red bow. It wasn't big, probably the size of a brick if not a little smaller, but that didn't calm his nerves, weapons came in all shapes and forms.

Taking a deep breath, Iruka got closer, squinting at it and listening carefully for ticking or some other type of threatening sound. Then he noticed the card attached to the bow and all the tension left his body at once. It was a white piece of cardboard with the name of one of Konoha's book shops.

Iruka sighed but still took the gift carefully with a shaking hand. He fished the keys to his apartment from one of the pockets in his flak jacket and opened the door, quickly disabling his traps. If he was going to open a possible bomb, he was going to do it inside, just in case. His wards could probably take an explosion without bringing the whole building down.

He ripped the paper quickly, the suspense was too much to handle, and when he realized what it was, he thought he actually would've preferred it to be an explosive.

This time, he did yelp, but thankfully there was no one to see or hear him. He threw the book as it burned and it fell cover first on top of his sofa, the familiar title mocking his flushed face.

_Icha Icha Paradise._

Iruka didn't want to know how the kids had gotten a hold of one of those obscene books, and he really hoped that they hadn't read it.

 _This is it_ , he thought furiously pulling at the skin of his face with frustration, _I'm gonna murder a bunch of children._

But of course, he couldn't actually do that, he loved the kids too much. But he couldn't say anything either, because the prospect of yelling at them for giving him racy literature was too embarrassing. So he reluctantly dropped the wrapping paper and hid the book under the cushions, figuring that he had to play along and put a stop to it as soon as possible without ruining his reputation even more.

He had to wait for Team 7 to come back.

* * *

Kakashi was wrong.

He'd thought the girls had given up on their little plan when several days later nothing else happened. He'd thought that the mission Team 7 had taken was going to be enough to distract Sakura and make her forget all about her new matchmaking service.

But he was wrong. So, so wrong.

"C'mon Kakashi-sensei," Naruto whined as they got closer to the village's gates. "Hurry up!"

Sighing, Kakashi pushed more chakra to his feet to catch up with the three genin. "What's the rush, Naruto?" he asked.

The sun was showing its last rays in the sky and they were going to make it before the stars came out, that was a good sign. He knew the kids hated getting back at night because they had to get up early the next day to train.

"Iruka-sensei is on desk duty today and we have to hand in our report!" Naruto said, louder than necessary as always.

Kakashi tried to stop himself from rolling his eye. He hadn't expected the boy to be involved too. "I think it's too late already, Naruto. I'll go in the morning." he said.

He knew Iruka was going to be at the mission room for at least another hour and a half; the chuunin was stubborn and didn't like leaving until everything was perfectly organized and clean. He often stayed for at least another hour after that, helping Shizune with Tsunade's paperwork.

"It's not too late, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura insisted excitedly. "I think Iruka-sensei will be happy to see we made it back safely! You know how much he worries about Naruto going away on missions."

Kakashi looked at Sasuke, desperately asking him to help him out; the Uchiha boy was the only one who could make Sakura change her mind. But when the brat simply shrugged and grunted a defeated "Hng", Kakashi knew there was no escape. He hadn't expected him to be involved too, and the betrayal hurt more than he'd like to admit.

They made it to the village a couple of minutes later, and the kids didn't even let him catch the breath he didn't need before they hurried through rooftops.

 _If they started treating real missions like this they'd be way more efficient_ , he thought with a resigned sigh.

Just how Kakashi'd expected, the mission room was already empty except for Iruka and Kotetsu, who were chatting amicably while filing scrolls.

"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto ran inside loudly, throwing himself on his old teacher. "We're back!"

Iruka didn't look startled, he'd probably sensed them coming. He simply smiled and hugged the annoying kid back. Kotetsu laughed shortly and patted the blond's head affectionately before resuming his task.

"I can see that," Iruka mused pulling away, "But you know the rules, you can't be on this side of the room, come on!" he pushed the blond towards the rest of his team behind the desk.

Kakashi took the scroll out of his pouch and gave it to Iruka, who took it with a small smile that made his heart skip a beat. Sakura beamed beside him as if she'd heard it.

"Sorry for coming so late, we just got back and the kids were excited to see you." Kakashi said apologetically.

Iruka shrugged, his cute little smile never faltering. "It's okay, Kotetsu here has the graveyard shift and I like keeping him company when I can."

"Iruka-sensei, guess what!" Naruto interrupted with a sly smile, catching their attention, "A little bird told us that you have a secret admirer."

Hearing this, Iruka suddenly looked scandalized, his cheeks rapidly turning a bright red color and his eyes widening, but he looked more irritated than embarrassed. Kakashi almost laughed, relieved that he wasn't the only one being tormented, but then he remembered that he was the supposed admirer and he felt the gesture vanish from his lips.

"Right... and you wouldn't happen to know who it is, huh?" Iruka asked suspiciously looking between Naruto and Sakura, who laughed nervously and shrugged.

"No, but we heard that he sent you flowers!" Sakura said, casually stepping closer to the desk. Iruka nodded, eyes narrowing at her. "And guess who we saw at Ino's flower shop the other day..." she eyed Kakashi discreetly.

It took all of his strength not to run away through the fucking window. He was suddenly convinced that the universe was trying to make him pay for all the people he'd killed by giving him a team of brats whose mission was embarrassing him to death.

He'd expected to see Iruka completely lose his shit, but instead, the chuunin simply smirked and shrugged. "Well," he said playing dumb, not even glancing away from Sakura. "I think you should tell my secret admirer that, sadly, I'm not single."

"You aren't?" Sakura, Naruto, and Kakashi asked at the same time, dumbfounded. Sasuke simply scoffed, regretting getting involved in the childish plan for nothing.

Kotetsu laughed, clearly doing a bad job of concealing eavesdropping. Iruka simply leaned against the back of his chair, arms folded behind his head and a smug look on his face. He knew he'd won.

"B-but Iruka-sensei! That can't be true! I'd know if you were in a relationship, right?" Naruto whined, clearly upset. Iruka knew how the boy hated when people kept secrets from him, but he didn't look guilty at all.

"You wouldn't, Naruto," the chuunin said, shaking his head. "Because shinobi tend to be very secretive when it comes to this type of stuff, and you kids shouldn't be sticking your noses where they don't belong."

Sakura choked on air and looked extremely guilty. Kakashi felt himself exhale, relieved that the nightmare was officially over, and selfishly enjoyed the ashamed look on his students' faces.

"Iruka-sensei is right. Shinobi can be extremely protective of their lovers, keeping relationships secret helps to keep their significant others safe from enemies." Kotetsu interrupted, winking at them before gathering a bunch of sealed scrolls and taking off towards the Hokage's office.

"But we all know he's Izumo's boyfriend..." Naruto complained weakly.

Iruka shot him a nasty glare that shut the kid right up. Kakashi felt jealous because that never worked when he tried it.

"But they fight together, so they have the same enemies." Sasuke pointed out shrugging like it was obvious.

"Anyways, it doesn't matter. Apologize to Iruka-sensei." Kakashi ordered, pushing the two kids towards the chuunin.

"Sorry." Sakura said, her cheeks still pink.

Iruka nodded, he kept a stern expression on his face, but Kakashi managed to catch the corners of his mouth twitching slightly upwards.

"I'm sorry, Iruka-sensei." Naruto said next, he still looked wounded for being kept in the dark about his old teacher's love life, so Iruka promised to take him to Ichiraku's the next day to make up for it.

"Apologies accepted," Iruka said, smiling lightly. "Now get out of here, I'm sure Kakashi-sensei wants you to wake up early tomorrow."

Kakashi waved at the chuunin as the kids bolted through the door, running away like their asses were on fire, making them laugh.

"I bet it's Ibiki." he heard Sakura mutter.

"No way, I don't think Iruka-sensei likes scary guys," Naruto said, shaking his head, "It's probably Shizune, he likes to stay late to help her."

"Leave it alone, usuratonkachi," Sasuke grunted annoyed, "You're gonna get us in trouble again."

He couldn't help the smile behind his mask.

"Don't worry, Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura said patronising him, "We're going to find you someone else!"

"Yeah, Iruka-sensei was too good for you anyway," Naruto said, earning an elbow to the ribs from Sakura. "Aw! What?! It's true!"

Kakashi groaned in exasperation and made the hand signs quickly, leaving the three kids with a cloud of smoke and leaves.

* * *

"They won't leave me alone." Kakashi whined, wrapping his arms around Iruka's waist.

The chuunin smiled, leaning back against his chest. "I'm sorry." he said, but to Kakashi's ears he didn't sound sorry at all.

He groaned but still nuzzled the man's neck, inhaling the familiar scent of ink and the vegetables he was currently chopping. He was annoyed, but after a week-long mission away from home, he'd missed Iruka so much he wasn't going to waste their little reunion on being dramatic.

"Kakashi," Iruka warned sounding a little breathless when the jounin started kissing his neck, "If you don't stop, dinner will never get done and we're both hungry."

"But I missed you." he whined again, hands sliding under Iruka's shirt and caressing the chuunin's warm skin. "I can eat you instead."

He couldn't help the smile tugging at his lips when he felt the chuunin's breath hitching. 

"I missed you too," Iruka said, turning his head and leaning in, catching Kakashi's bottom lip between his teeth and sliding his tongue lightly against it before pulling away. "But I'm hungry, so you can show me how much you missed me after dinner."

Kakashi pulled away reluctantly, leaning against the counter. "You're a cruel, cruel man, Umino Iruka."

Iruka laughed, like the cruel man he was and sent him to set the table. They ate slowly, Kakashi commenting on their boring mission and making Iruka laugh at Naruto's antics. After washing the dishes, they cuddled close on the couch, contented with full bellies and warm hearts. He took the hair tie off Iruka's hair and ran his fingers through the soft strands. It was a gesture that relaxed them both.

"If you think they were bad to you it's because you don't know the nightmare they put _me_ through," he said, cheeks turning pink. "They bought me flowers, chocolates-"

"Oh no sensei, that sounds terrible!" Kakashi interrupted mockingly, ignoring the nasty glare the chuunin sent him from his position on his chest.

"Oh that's not the worst part," Iruka exclaimed bewildered and scratched the scar on his nose. "I don't even know how they got it, but they left it outside the door while I was out."

That caught his attention, Iruka looked mortified. "Oh?"

"Check under the cushions." 

Kakashi took the book like it was a winning lottery ticket. "Unbelievable." he muttered, realizing the kids had been more determined to make their little plan work out than he'd expected.

"I know, it was so embarrassing!"

He barked out a laugh, the situation was ridiculous. "Well, they had good intentions, and a great eye for matchmaking, wouldn't you agree?"

Iruka's body relaxed again but he sat up to look at Kakashi's face more directly, his heart stuttering inside his chest at the sight. He loved seeing the jounin's bare face so calm and at ease. It showed how much he trusted him. "Yeah, I mean we beat them to it, though, and for two years."

Kakashi hummed, dropping the book on the ground and taking a hold of Iruka's hips to keep him sitting on his lap. "I thought you were gonna tell them back there when you said you weren't single."

Iruka laughed and shook his head, his eyes looked at him so fondly Kakashi's breath caught in his throat. "We talked about it and I'm okay with keeping it like this," he whispered, putting his hands on his chest and leaning down to steal a kiss. "I want you all to myself anyway."

But the jounin didn't let him get away with it. Catching his lips between his own and moving a hand to the back of Iruka's head, keeping him from breaking the kiss.

Kakashi was one of the strongest shinobi in Konoha, he had a lot of enemies lurking in the shadows and if they knew about Iruka they'd come for him without a second thought. He didn't want to think about it, but he knew that there was no way he'd survive another loved one being taken away from him. Maybe one day, if he lived long enough to retire, they would tell everyone about their relationship, but for now, they could stay like they were.

The kiss turned deep in a matter of seconds, Iruka's hands felt hot and heavy on Kakashi's chest and his tongue pushed past the jounin's lips easily. The chuunin let out a low moan when Kakashi's hand pulled his hair, forcing him to break the kiss and expose his neck to his hungry lips.

"Kakashi," Iruka gasped at the feeling of calloused hands sneaking under his shirt, and when the jounin bit the juncture where his neck ended and his shoulder begun, he whined "Bed."

They stumbled into Iruka's bedroom, losing their clothes along the way, touching and kissing every part they could reach.

"Wait, I have to ask you something," he pulled away, making Iruka groan impatiently. "Can I keep the book? Mine's already coming apart."

He had to admit he deserved the smack on the back of his head.

* * *

"Look, there he is!" Ino called out, making the others look up.

Shikamaru, Choji, Naruto, Sakura and an unenthusiastic Sasuke stared at Kakashi as he walked down the street. The jounin looked the same as always, with his lazy slouch and covered face, managing to make his way through the crowds while reading that inappropriate book, no one who knew him would suspect anything different.

No one but the group of kids, of course.

"It's the book." Choji confirmed, eyes narrowing to stare at the orange cover through the binoculars.

"It is?" Sakura squealed, snatching the other pair of binoculars from Ino's hands to check for herself.

Shikamaru smirked, he didn't need to look to be sure, to him it was quite obvious. "Of course it is, I told you."

"No way!" Naruto yelled, "Iruka-sensei can't possibly be attracted to Kakashi-sensei! He's a pervert!"

"Shut up, Naruto! He's gonna hear us!" Ino reprimanded. "And Kakashi-sensei is very attractive." she added, just to push his buttons and hear him yell again.

Sasuke'd been the one to smartly suggest they should watch from a distance, knowing that Naruto was most likely going to overreact.

"I can't believe it!" Sakura gasped, shaking her head.

Shikamaru scoffed, now bored because once again, he was right. Of course, it'd been his idea to put a mark with UV activated ink on the back cover of the Icha Icha copy they'd given to the academy teacher. In the daylight, the scarecrow drawing shone a bright blue color like chakra, clearly proving that their little gift to Iruka-sensei was in Kakashi's hands. He'd known that the chuunin would never keep the book to himself, he wasn't a fan of such obscene literature, but after noticing Kakashi's copy almost crumbling from use, Shikamaru couldn't waste the opportunity to confirm the theory of the two men being together in secret. If the academy teacher was willing to give the book to the jounin, then it was hard proof of their relationship. No one gives porn to just an acquaintance like they liked to act in public.

His suspicions about the nature of the relationship between the two men had been pretty solid before all this, but when Sakura had told Ino about her own doubts –after noticing Kakashi-sensei staring too longingly at Iruka-sensei one afternoon when they'd been eating at Ichiraku's after a mission–, he'd decided to help the girls out with the plan of playing dumb and pretending to try to set them up.

And like all his other plans, it'd worked.

"Shikamaru, you're a genius!" Choji said, admiration clear in his voice.

Shikamaru shrugged but gave his friend a small smile. "I know."

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/wlwiruka) where I talk about kakairu and i'm also on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/lesbianhatake).


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